a new level

i feel like i'm going thru some major transition. trying to find my way. looking for guidance on what to do and what direction to go in. in search of happiness has begun. but it needs to expand past my comfort zone. wish there was a magic ladder out of my confusion, out of this feeling of STUCK. i really wanna be better than i was last year. i wanna see what a new level of me feels like.

eureka!

it dawned on me-this morning during my sleepless slumber--that the only reason I'm not further along in the life I've wanted- is because I'm spoiled. i have not set any rules or deadlines for this life I've been living. I've been fortunate to work for myself and have an ever changing schedule. and I've had a few moments of mere survival and barely making it and I'm shocked that those moments didn't scare the living shit out of me enough to be on a Super mission everyday. 

but outside from work i have not set any real challenges for myself. and that's so important. i use to take risk and challenge myself all the time as a child and 95% of the time--i was victorious. so what happen????? laziness i think-probably just lost sight of the bigger picture just trying to survive. 

my friend Kenny sent a text text out today, stating "ideas left in your head are left for dead". it hit me like a brick! i have so many things on the verge of spoiling and a few skeletons that didn't quite make it. damn. if i had of known then what i know know. 

i gotta do something, we gotta do something---at least 2 things on my to do list of life today, at least get them started. shame on me and shame on u too!